The other day I visited a well - known shopping emporium in search of socks. It's been a long time since I needed a new pair so I was comp letely unprepared for the super sock selection on offer. I wanted two pairs of white cotton short socks to wear in my trainers. Shouldn't be too difficult you say!

The selection before me reminded me of that ad on TV a while back, where a young fellow went to his local corner store to buy a bottle of milk, and the shop lady reeled off an amazing variety of ways to get your milk ration. Well, I can assure you , socks are similar!

There are long socks, short socks, no - show socks, knee hig h or ankle socks, tenn is, golf and football socks, bed socks and house socks. (My house must be considered deprived as I've never bought it a pair of socks). I needed two pairs, but they only come in bundles of three pairs, or you can have five pairs or a jumbo collection of ten pairs. (No four pairs, so none for octopuses). I settled for three pairs of anonymous socks.

On the way to the sock bar I passed a rack of packaged items, sold under the heading “For Hollywood Starlets ”.

I felt that Darwin is a bit far removed from Hollywood and I haven't noticed a plethora of starlets around, so I paused to examine the merchandise. What a revelation! Why wasn't it there when I needed it? Modern technology has produced a device to assist modern misses to maintain an assured pertness of their bosoms when time and gravity take their toll.

It involves the application of a rather complicated kind of Band - Aid to achieve the desired angle. It would appear that one size fits all so for the better e ndowed this might be a problem and I do wonder wha t reaction there may be when a fellow tries his luck and tries to get a little hands - on experience and he encounters the Band Aid technique in use.

Another device is available for giving a girl a real boost; I guess it beats a pair of socks under the boobs as we did in my day, and if you place them strategically differently you can have the cleavage to die for. As an avid people watcher as they walk past my market stall I shall be taking a renewed interest in things other than tattoos!